Q: “I am writing to ask you to please devote a future column to trust, or more specifically, how to trust again in a new relationship.”

A: Trust can be complex, because so many elements go into having trust in a person.

In an attempt to simplify the issue, I’ve broken it down into five components, one for each letter of the word trust.

inTegrity - A dictionary defines integrity as uprightness of character. Sounds nice, but what does that really mean?

People have integrity when their behavior matches their words. They do what they say they are going to do. If, over time, their behavior consistently does not match their words, watch out.

Responsibility - People mess up and make mistakes. That’s just part of everyday life. The people who can be trusted take responsibility for their mistakes. They don’t blame others or make excuses. When they mess up, they admit it and do what is necessary to fix it, if at all possible.

Understanding - Another sign of trustworthiness is the ability to understand another person. You may not always agree with the other person, especially in a close relationship such as marriage. You may not always see things the exact same way.
However, in order for trust to grow, you need to be able to see the world through another’s eyes.

Security - We tend to trust the people with whom we feel secure. In this context, secure means safe. We feel we can be ourselves around someone and say what we really think and feel.

Time - Time is crucial when it comes to building trust All of the above components - integrity, responsibility, understanding and security - are developed and demonstrated over time.

It takes time to develop trust in someone, especially for people who have been hurt before.

Visit http://www.ConsciousDatingAtlanta.com for more tips and tools for living the life you love with the love of your life. We invite you to subscribe to our f-ree 5 Day E-Course “How to Find Your Life Partner” Jeff Herring is a Singles and Relationship Coach and the Director of Conscious Dating Atlanta.

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If you are playing the dating game, chances are you will have a date from hell. It’s just part of dating jungle out there. You’re going to meet some pretty strange and weird women.

One of the worst dates you can have is these women that flirt and come on to other guys while you are on a date. They are so full of themselves and love to be the center of attention. Nothing can be so rude and such a turn-off as your date throwing herself at other guys.

While we are on the subject of dates from hell, let me tell you about one of several of mine:

I met this really fine girl at the beach that had the best body I had ever seen in my life. I was just driving around on the beach in my Corvette with the T-tops off and this beautiful girl in a hot bikini flagged me down and said, “That’s really a find Corvette, can I go for a ride in it?” Of course, I took her up on it.

We seemed to hit it off really well and she asked me if I could give her a ride home (she came to the beach with her brother in his car). She seemed a little drunk and later I found out that she was an alcoholic.

Anyway, we stopped by my place on the way to her apartment that late afternoon. It had been a very hot day and I looked in my backyard to check on my German Shepherd. He was lying there lifeless and his body was very warm. There had been a thunderstorm earlier in the day and I know from experience that when this happens he freaks out and paces back and forth endlessly. Also, he had turned over his water bowl and had no water. So apparently he had literally run himself to death in the heat with no water.

I rushed him to the vet and on the way the girl kept crying and giving my dog mouth to mouth resuscitation (can you imagine this?). It was too late and there was no hope for the dog and he died of a heat stroke.

To make a long story short, I dated her a couple of more times and she was always drunk and she confessed that she had a drinking problem. So, let me tell you what happened on our last date from hell:

I took her to a nice romantic Italian restaurant and then we took a helicopter tour of Houston, TX. Later that night we went to a nightclub. All she did all night was flirt and talk to other guys. I let her know I didn’t appreciate it either. So, I finally got her to leave cause I couldn’t take it anymore. We were on our way back to my house and she wanted to stop by the lake. So we were walking along the pier and insisted that she wanted to jump in the lake.

I told her not to jump in the lake because she was drunk and may drown. We argued back and forth and before I knew it she jumps in the lake with her clothes on. She swam out about 50 yards and then I saw her struggling and started going underwater. So, I had to jump in the lake to save her. There was another guy on the pier and he helped me bring her up on the pier. She was ok, thank God.

So, there we were both soak and wet and I was pissed. I took her home so she could put on some dry clothes. While I wasn’t looking, she had taken some of my antidepressant prescription pills and passed out. She was like a corpse. I loaded her up in my jeep and took her back to her apartment. She slept all day and didn’t show up for work.

I learned later that she was suicidal and that was the reason she jumped in the lake and took my pills. Needless to say, I never dated this mental case again.

So, the moral to this article is that there’s a good chance that you will have a date from hell. Just chalk it up as experience and as the saying goes, “shit happens.”

This article written by Don Diebel (Americas #1 Singles
Expert). If you would like more free dating tips on how to
successfully meet, date, attract, and become intimate with
women, please visit his website at: http://www.getgirls.com.

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A Picture Paints A Thousand Words

When thinking about posting your picture on your chosen uk online dating service consider the following facts:

Guys are 14 times more likely to look at a profile with a photo.

Girls are 8.5 times more likely to look at your profile if you have a picture.

A recent study showed that members with photos get up to 15 times more attention than those without one.

The research is clear, if you accompany your personal profile with a picture or two or three you will get significantly more attention and will meet many more people. So what sort of picture should you upload? Here’s our quick guide to uploading a great photograph!

1) Those who study how we interact with others now know that when we first look at someone we first notice their eyes, followed in order by their smile, their face and their hair. So don’t hide away your features, make sure that your face and head can clearly been seen. Blurred shots and those taken from two miles away will reveal nothing about you and may even put some doubts into other people’s minds. Be brave and post a clear head and shoulders shot of yourself that is recent, no shots on the beach from 1996!!

2) Smile!! You are trying to meet someone special, a great new friend, so why look glum? Polish those nashers, pucker the lips and dazzle them with a big friendly smile.

3) Make sure that the photo is well lit - You do not want to appear to live in the castle’s dungeon. Take the photo outside on a sunny day or in a well lit room.

4) Once you have started dating online you will be amazed how many people have photos with other people in them. It’s very confusing when you see a photo of five guys on a beach in Tenerife or three girls on the hit and miss in Newcastle when you cannot make out who it is that you are talking to. Take the photo on your own and don’t send in any with your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend’s head torn off - You are trying to meet people and create a good impression not scare the living daylights out of them!

5) Think about how you present yourself and your dress. Stuffing your rugby socks down your Speedos and posing semi-nude to show off your once a fortnight gym muscles and tattoos saying “I Love My Mum” may at the time be a good idea but they are unlikely to attract anyone who your mum would actually approve off.

6) Similarly showing off your well washed and slightly off-white Marks and Spencers Bra, G-string and Stocking Combo set will attract a certain sort on interest in your profile. Interest that may be unwelcome. Think carefully about how you want to portray yourself and dress accordingly.

7) Do not place any text or fancy colour effects/borders onto the picture, the dating agencies will refuse to allow them. Keep photos simple, friendly and clear.

If you can, crop the image to remove any additional background and keep it below 100K (kilobytes) in size or less. The best way to ensure this is to scan the photograph at around 150dpi or take a digital shot on the automatic settings. Save it as a JPEG file onto your computer and upload it using the instructions on the website. If this is all too technical for you, contact the site’s help desk and they will be able to help you.

Be brave. Adding a photo of yourself feels awkward to many of us and is quite a personal thing. But a picture will enhance your profile hugely and will help you to meet that special person.

Ivor Conway is the editor of http://www.dating-online-service.co.uk, a portal designed to provide practical advice, guidance and support to those wishing to meet someone special whilst a member of a UK online dating service. Ivor also edits http://www.uk-speed-dating.co.uk, a resource dedicated to those looking for a speed dating event close to them in London and the rest of the UK.

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