Come just as you are to the online dating table. Placing an ad is easy. But, placing a dynamite ad is an art. You only have one chance to make a good first impression. Ahead you will learn to outshine nearly all others.

The importance of photos and profile narratives and their quality is paramount. Logically it follows that you will want to place an ad about yourself which will excite the greatest interest in your potential viewers. You must know your audience. Important - Photo should have an easily visible (large view) of you. Most personals photos are dark and look like they were taken from far away. Closeness, that’s the mood you want to create in your audience.

Some of the key elements in your personals ad which you may not have thought of, but will be judged by are;

Is he articulate?
Is she original?
Is she educated?
Is he charming?
Is he interesting?

Is she witty?
Is she courteous?

Is he outgoing?
Finally - Is he willing to put forth some effort in his ad to win me?

What you write will tell who you are! As we have just seen it’s not just what you say about yourself and your desires that will tell her about you. The composition itself will spell out who you are. Better to put your best literary foot forward to make a positive statement about just exactly who you are.

At this point let us address the men and then a little alteration for the women will be in order. Ad techniques are different for both genders. Men are not especially looking for funny or good listeners, whereas women generally are.

For the Men

Let’s begin by discussing structure. Structure will give a logical flow to your audience. There is nothing worse than a scatter-brained personal that is too busy, it turns women off.

1. Let us begin with the picture. Women are not visually stimulated in the way men are, so seductive is not the key. You must be well groomed and approachable. Look into the camera. Looking away will make you seem aloof. Use inviting body language. Smile, and bear your neck dimple. (Where the collar bone meets the neck) Military uniforms and business suits (ties) cover this area for a reason. We cover this vulnerable area so as not to portray vulnerability. In your personal ad you want vulnerability. Remember you are targeting women.

2. Salutations - According to Parade magazine a simple Hi! is a great opener. This is just the ice breaker.

3. Personal introduction - Give your name or nickname if you wish.

4. Biographical information - Start out with an opener which will grab her attention and reach into her heart. Appeal to her emotionally. Women are emotionally centered. Make it so that she must read your ad! After this stage give her just the facts. This directness shows strength and confidence. Both are qualities which women value. Be honest and avoid the heartbreak of separation caused by dishonesty. Maybe she would rather have a plumber than the CEO of Microsoft after all.

This is your online dating bio, so include what you wish. Items usually mentioned are; age, occupation, and children, race, place of birth, where you live, favorite foods, entertainment preferences, hobbies, music tastes, and education.

Finally, give them some tangible asset about yourself to make her want you. No boasting. Put it in such a way that you do not seem arrogant. Put it something like - I’ve been told that I have a great sense of humor or that I’m a great cook.

5. Now that you have told them you know who you are, tell them you know what you want. Do you want a down to earth gal? Say so. The divas will be repelled and the woman who appreciates it most will answer your call. Be descriptive and to the point!

6. Conclusion - Paint a mental image of what your lives would be like together. Something romantically appealing works wonders. In case you haven’t noticed women love romance. Woo her. Be careful in your invitation not to use negative or conditional words like - if you are the one. Instead of this use - you are the one I would love to warm up by the fire with. She will know when you are speaking to her, if she is the one. Use these final words to make her feel like a kindred soul.

Once your ad is structured coherently we must now ensure that the following elements have been included.

1. Salutation - Short, polite. Hi! or Howdy, whatever best suits who you are.

2. Descriptive adjectives - Positive and powerful superlatives which will enhance her imagery experience and build curiosity. Infect her with your zest for life

3. Spelling and grammar - Look intelligent, educated, and thoughtful.! Consult a spell check or dictionary and correct errors. We are not all English professors, Have someone critique your writing.

4. Warm text - Use key words that stimulate emotion. Words such as fun, romance, love, happiness, and feel give a warmth to your writing and will give her a positive reading experience. Again, this will give her a little insight as to what life with you might be like.

5. Courtesy - Don’t use harsh language or slang. Best to come across in a serious dating forum as polite.

We realize that there is a trend of extremism out there that feels the need to shock. She will appreciate you even more for being a gentleman online.

6. Spur her to action - At the end of your ad be sure to urge them to reply now. Make it a suggestion. Say something like - Why not email me now and seize the day with me? I’ll be right here waiting for you !

For the ladies

Fortunately for women the online dating scene is predominantly male in terms of numbers. This works to your advantage - more fish to choose from. However you cannot rest on your laurels though. You still need at least a cursory knowledge of what motivates men, blended with your own original creative touch.

Hopefully you took the time to read the men’s section. All of the above applies to women as well with a few exceptions. Make them want to read your ad using compelling imagery. Remember men are more visually stimulated than you are.

Use a complimentary photo of yourself. Alluring is good, but be careful not to send the wrong message. Be sure to project yourself as warm and inviting. Smile and look into the camera. Use body language that says come a little bit closer.

Best wishes in your quest!

We have an example of a dynamite personal ad at http://christiandatemate.com.

My name is Steve Barrett, my passion is writing, my hobby is gardening, and my world is my 3 year-old daughter Erin. I am the editor of Christian Date Mate.
http://christiandatemate.com

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Interest is brewing from various quarters to require background checks for users of dating websites.

Most users who join dating sites have no idea how effective the particular dating site is. They therefore sign-up with several dating sites either in a bid to find the ideal site, or to simply try all different sites simultaneously until they find their mate on one of them.

If the government lays down the law that people using dating sites succumb to background checks, most people cannot afford to pay for the background check. For those who pay once and are discontented with the website, they are unlikely to pay over and over again to try other dating sites. Therefore, the government would inadvertently have dealt a big blow to online dating, which may spell the demise of online personals business.

Be that as it may that a background check has its benefits, can we say it’s fair to single out dating websites? What about classified ads in newspapers and periodicals? What is good for the goose is good for the gander. Are newspaper companies therefore, also going to be required to conduct checks on advertisers before personal ads could be posted? If not, why not?

What was the matrix of this proposal in the first place? The whole idea is predicated upon making it safer for people to date online. Basically, anybody with a criminal background would either automatically be disallowed from signing-up on dating sites, or must have something next to their profile that says the user has a criminal background. The former is more likely.

With that said, are people without a record guaranteed to be above board when they meet someone online, or would it merely create a false sense of security for users of dating sites?

Furthermore, background checks can only be conducted with the most ease on USA residents. What then is to be done about the other millions of users from other countries around the world who contact Americans? Unless the law prohibits Americans from dating foreign users, and vice versa, a law requiring background checks would be grossly ineffective, and not likely to achieve the desired effect.

Besides the obvious negative impact of this law on online dating industry, government involvement in dating sites sets a dangerous precedence for regulating other areas of the Internet. Where do we draw the line?

What the government should be focusing its energy on is educating users about ways of conducting background checks. Any user on an online dating website can dig up information on somebody he or she is communicating with. Many county websites now provide public information such as marriage/divorce records, mortgages, business ownership, sex offences, felony convictions, etc. With this type of information available free of charge, is there any sense in the government getting involved? Surely it’d point out people with a record, but the negative repercusions on dating sites clearly outweigh the benefits.

Perhaps the single most important point to consider in this law would be how often a dating site needs to repeat background checks on it’s millions of members. A user with no criminal record at the time he or she signs up for an account, may end up with a record anytime afterward, which automatically renders the old background check useless.

This proposed law is nothing more than window dressing on the part of the legislators pursuing it. Fingers are crossed to see what becomes of it.

Discuss and vote on this topic at http://www.oasisoflove.com/polls/

Richard Akindele is the Founder of http://www.oasisoflove.com, a full-featured, and FREE online dating service. Features offered include: Audio/video chat, private photos, spam watch, etc. Sign-up and start to meet singles in your local area.

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Hello Lucia,

I regularly compliment women and tell them that I am interested in them. Is this the kiss of death? I hear being aloof and stand-offish is more intriguing and works better in trying to get a woman’s attention, especially in the beginning. Richard.

Hi Richard,

Yes, complimenting women (especially if they’re attractive) when you first meet them is verboten. Attractive women are used to getting compliments - in fact, they expect them. If you tell a woman you’ve just met that she’s beautiful, the dialogue cloud above her head is thinking, “Tell me something I don’t know.” She already knows she’s hot. How do you think she got that way? Do you think she just rolled out of bed like that? Since most guys behave that way, you’ll fall into the category of average and won’t stand out from everyone else.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume that you’re about a 7 or less. Why do I think that? Because guys that rate an 8, 9 or 10 rarely compliment women. It’s like meeting an equal. You both know you’re hot, so it doesn’t need to be said. It would be like two geniuses meeting. Do you really think one is going to say to the other: You’re so smart! I don’t think so. If you’re in the same league, some things are understood. By referring to her beauty, you’re sending an unconscious message that you’ve put her up on a pedestal, are intimidated by her and she would be doing you a favor by dating you. Well, why should she? She has enough guys in her league available to her. Why should she date YOU?

The solution? Never comment on a woman’s looks when you first meet her or on the first few dates. If you want to give a compliment, give it for something she doesn’t normally get noticed for. This could be about how smart she is (this works especially well with attractive women since they rarely get compliments for their brains) or how good she is with _____________ (children, pets, salespeople).

The only time I would suggest complimenting a woman you want to meet is if it’s someone you see on a regular basis, such as at school or at the gym. In that case, very confidently go up to her and say something like: I just want to thank you for making the world a better place with your beauty. After she says thank you, immediately walk away. She’ll be intrigued that you didn’t try to start a conversation with her or get her number. Whenever you see her after that, just smile and say hello. If she doesn’t eventually start a conversation with you, you can start a short one with her, but wait until you’ve been saying hello to each other for at least several weeks.

Are compliments ever appropriate? Of course! After you’ve been dating for a while, it would be classless not to compliment her on her looks, especially if she’s all dressed up. She probably spent a lot of time getting ready, and if you don’t say anything, she’ll notice and she won’t be too happy about it! Say something like: You’re amazingly beautiful. How did I get so lucky?

Lucia is a dating and relationship expert, columnist, lecturer and host of the TV Show “The Art of Love”.

With over 20 years experience on the relationship market, Lucia has dated men of all nationalities in six cities, four countries and two continents. Her practical know-how makes her the perfect candidate to dispense relationship advice - after all, in almost every dating dilemma she has been there, done that and lived to tell about it.

For more articles or to ask Lucia a question, go to: http://www.theartoflove.net

To speak to Lucia, go to: Ask Lucia

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