Hello Lucia,

I regularly compliment women and tell them that I am interested in them. Is this the kiss of death? I hear being aloof and stand-offish is more intriguing and works better in trying to get a woman’s attention, especially in the beginning. Richard.

Hi Richard,

Yes, complimenting women (especially if they’re attractive) when you first meet them is verboten. Attractive women are used to getting compliments - in fact, they expect them. If you tell a woman you’ve just met that she’s beautiful, the dialogue cloud above her head is thinking, “Tell me something I don’t know.” She already knows she’s hot. How do you think she got that way? Do you think she just rolled out of bed like that? Since most guys behave that way, you’ll fall into the category of average and won’t stand out from everyone else.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume that you’re about a 7 or less. Why do I think that? Because guys that rate an 8, 9 or 10 rarely compliment women. It’s like meeting an equal. You both know you’re hot, so it doesn’t need to be said. It would be like two geniuses meeting. Do you really think one is going to say to the other: You’re so smart! I don’t think so. If you’re in the same league, some things are understood. By referring to her beauty, you’re sending an unconscious message that you’ve put her up on a pedestal, are intimidated by her and she would be doing you a favor by dating you. Well, why should she? She has enough guys in her league available to her. Why should she date YOU?

The solution? Never comment on a woman’s looks when you first meet her or on the first few dates. If you want to give a compliment, give it for something she doesn’t normally get noticed for. This could be about how smart she is (this works especially well with attractive women since they rarely get compliments for their brains) or how good she is with _____________ (children, pets, salespeople).

The only time I would suggest complimenting a woman you want to meet is if it’s someone you see on a regular basis, such as at school or at the gym. In that case, very confidently go up to her and say something like: I just want to thank you for making the world a better place with your beauty. After she says thank you, immediately walk away. She’ll be intrigued that you didn’t try to start a conversation with her or get her number. Whenever you see her after that, just smile and say hello. If she doesn’t eventually start a conversation with you, you can start a short one with her, but wait until you’ve been saying hello to each other for at least several weeks.

Are compliments ever appropriate? Of course! After you’ve been dating for a while, it would be classless not to compliment her on her looks, especially if she’s all dressed up. She probably spent a lot of time getting ready, and if you don’t say anything, she’ll notice and she won’t be too happy about it! Say something like: You’re amazingly beautiful. How did I get so lucky?

Lucia is a dating and relationship expert, columnist, lecturer and host of the TV Show “The Art of Love”.

With over 20 years experience on the relationship market, Lucia has dated men of all nationalities in six cities, four countries and two continents. Her practical know-how makes her the perfect candidate to dispense relationship advice - after all, in almost every dating dilemma she has been there, done that and lived to tell about it.

For more articles or to ask Lucia a question, go to: http://www.theartoflove.net

To speak to Lucia, go to: Ask Lucia

Share This

Dating manuals thick as telephone directories can be written on the subject of selecting the right dating partner. The key to the selection process is not to focus on our potential dating partner, but to focus on our ingrained human instincts. What are these human instincts? Imagination and desire are our enemies!

As we approach dating relationships from our own point of view, many individuals fall short in reaching their goals. There are countless reasons why most individuals finish in last place when commencing to build healthy dating relationships. Imagination and desire will cripple a dating relationship before the relationship starts, and before you know it, you are right back at the starting gate with a new dating partner or wish you were!

Beginning the dating process, we often focus on what we want in our dating partner and not his/her present composition. Captive is our rational self by our imagination and blinded by desire. The moment we are introduced to someone, or view some photos, profiles or personal ads online - we immediately enter an imaginary world, especially if he/she is physically attractive. It is our own little world constructed by our imagination; at this point, we lose all sense of reality. Reality is what exists now and imagination is what we want to exist, which is the total opposite. Our reliant on our intoxicated senses, intoxicated by imagination and desire leads us into total darkness. As a result, our objectivity fades away into the background.

This unreal portrayal depicts a fictional fairytale hero that originates from the desire to realize the storybook romance. On the surface, the storybook romance syndrome appears to be harmless. When individuals attempt to convert their imagination into a dating reality, total destruction visits the dating relationship, leaving the residue of psychological devastation behind. The storybook romance syndrome has defaced the truth about dating relationships, retarding them from ever having a chance of realizing success.

To achieve a blissful dating relationship with the hope of achieving a long lasting marriage, you must not select a dating partner based on your imagination. You must remain focused on reality; you must also focus on objectivity and not subjectivity. In the absence of an objective criteria to resort to in selecting your dating partner; your only alternative is to turn to a sincere, trusted family member or friend for help in the selection process. They will be more incline to exercise an objective approach. Remember this, when you are in the picture, you can’t see the picture! Investigate patiently your potential dating partner and never rely on your own senses, you may finish first in the race to a healthy dating relationship. Good Luck!

Naim A Samad is your host at http://www.singleskaters.com Naim A Samad is also the author of “Don’t Leave Home Without It”. http://www.singleskaters.com/online_dating_featured_book.htm The newly release book is the author’s field leveling, investigative masterpiece that arms readers with an information arsenal designed to help them avoid all forms of manipulation. Take an online survey at http://www.singleskaters.com/survey/index.php?sid=2.

Share This

Unfortunately, what you do with your hands can be one of the quickest non-verbal ways to destroy the attraction that a woman feels for you, because the wrong hand movements can communicate that you are a low-status, beta male.

To make matters worse, your hands can be particularly tough to manage because, let’s face it, when you feel nervous, the hardest thing in the world is figuring out what to do with your hands!

For success with your dating and seduction of women, make sure you don’t make the following body language mistakes with your hands.

MISTAKE ONE. Displaying your anxiety with your hands.

You do this when you:

1) Shred napkins or peel labels off bottles.

2) Clutch your hands into fists.

3) Sit on your hands.

4) Hold something and play with it.

5) Twiddle your fingers or thumbs.

6) Hold your hands unnaturally still.

7) Sit on your hands to avoid having the woman see them tremble.

Although you might be feeling nervous, the last thing you want to do is to let the woman detect you feel that way.

Instead you want to convey that you’re calm and in control. Nothing attracts a woman more than a man who’s laid back and confident.

MISTAKE TWO. Putting your fingers into your mouth.

When you bite your nails or otherwise chew on your fingers, you are, according to psychologists, doing the same thing that infants are doing when they suck their mother’s breast.

For a baby, breast feeding provides comfort. When we became toddlers, our thumbs replaced our mom’s nipple.

And then as adults, biting our thumbnail does the same thing. Ever noticed that when you’re out in public, you mainly bite your nails when you’re under pressure?

THE SOLUTION. Just hold your hands relaxed on the table.

Rest your forearms on the table, keeping your arms open and letting them drop forward.

Keep your hands and arms open and relaxed. Most of the time this means having them about 18 inches or half a meter apart, your palms facing each other, with fingers curved slightly upward.

As your palms face each other, they should also face the woman. Open palms convey honesty and being completely comfortable with yourself. Having the back of your hands facing her can often convey that you’re hiding something.

Demonstrating your confidence can be as easy as that! Stop twiddling your thumbs and watch the women flock to you.

John Alexander is author of How to Become an Alpha Male, a dating and seduction success guide for men which will improve your body language and confidence.

Share This