The reason is that often when a man is out on a date, his body is there, but his soul is not - which means his mind and his will are elsewhere. And, since most men have difficulty thinking and feeling at the same time, on the first few dates he’s not likely to be thinking about you as a whole person. Rather, what he’s mostly feeling is lust, and he’s concentrating primarily on getting you into the sack. Later, when he’s alone and no longer eyeing your body, he can begin to think about you as a human being. It is then that he may decide that, for whatever reason, you and he are not right for each other. In other words, once he is alone, he has to distill everything he’s learned about you to decide whether or not to call back.

Waiting is hell, but I maintain that a man is not gone unless it has been eight weeks, because it can take that log for him to process a decision.

For four weeks, a man can usually keep himself busy dating, working, and living without you. But if he is really interested, somewhere between six and eight weeks he will begin to miss you, and then he will call.

Can you call him? No, not if you’re calling to ask him out. If he left something at your house, sure you can then call and arrange to have it returned, and to give him the opportunity to ask you out. If you’re planning to attend an event that you think he might enjoy, you can ask him to escort you and join a group of people. If you’re having a party, you can invite him. But you must not ask him out on a date unless you are prepared to be the man in the relationship.

So when you go out on a date, put his name down on a calendar. If he doesn’t call in eight weeks, he doesn’t like you. But by that time, you are not likely to care.

copywrite- SANDRA HARMON - 2005

Sandra Harmon has become one of the countries most popular Love, Dating, Sex and Relationship Coach, since the phenomenal success of her two, best selling, self help books, the powerful and ground breaking “Getting To I Do”, and the sequel, “Staying Married and Loving It”.

Her clients, who include Hollywood superstars and power brokers, all swear by her simple but successful methods, and her proven programs have helped thousands of men and women find and keep lasting love.

Sandra is offering her one-on-one love, sex, dating and relationship coaching which is geared strictly toward your personal needs and goals. Sign up for her FREE 10-day ecourse, “How To Attract The Right Man”, or her FREE 20 minute telephone consultation at http://www.Sandraharmon.com

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In life I think it’s fair to say that women drew the short straw enduring monthly periods, PMT, giving birth and the menopause; all producing more hormones than she, and anyone within arms length distance, can cope with.

But if she is 30 something and single the joy of being a woman doesn’t stop there! She is in a race against time to meet a man (preferably sexy!), fall in love, get him to fall in love her, move in together, get married, have a baby (the latter two in no particular order as long as they happen!) and live happily ever after.

The reality though is that many women diarise “settling down” for their early 30s; devoting their 20s to getting a career, travelling, socialising and having fun. There are also the ones who, despite actively dating in search of their perfect partner since early adulthood, simply haven’t found “the one”.

After revelling in her 20s footloose and fancy free, from the day she hits 30 her carefree attitude screeches to an abrupt halt; Mother Nature is suddenly occupying all her thoughts and her biological clock is ticking getting faster and louder as each day, month and year passes still with no sign of “the one” entering her life.

Of course, for the 30 something single men of the world this is not a concern; nature gave them the choice to put fatherhood on hold, worry free, until their 40s, 50s even 60s. So is this why 30 something women find a gap in the dating scene and are unable to find someone of a similar age to settle down with? Are the 30 something men busy dating but staying single until later in life because they know that when the time is right (for them) reproducing won’t be a problem?

It’s a sad fact that society portrays 30 something single men and women completely different. 30 something single women are labelled “out of date goods left on the shelves” whereas 30 something single men are given a pat on the back and told to enjoy their freedom while they can. Although TV programmes like Sex in the City and Desperate Housewives have helped to change peoples opinions of single women over 30, the fact remains that if she wants children the natural way (i.e. without a sperm donor) she needs a man.

So with no sight of a man on the horizon, she feels under pressure not only from herself but also from those around her to get on the dating scene and meet the father-to-be of her children. Her parents will say, “Why can’t she meet a good man and settle down?” her friends will say, “Shall we fix her up on a date with [John]?” and then there are the sniggering colleagues who will say, “She must be a lesbian!”

Whilst some of them may have her best interests at heart, she should not feel forced into a relationship to please everyone else. The problem she faces however is that, as a woman of the world, she knows exactly what qualities she is looking for in her partner and her standards are set so high that the men she dates often don’t make the grade.

What she may have to do therefore is accept that not everyone is perfect and compromise on her “tick list”. She needs to put things in perspective and ask herself if it really matters that he doesn’t own a flash car or that he wears awful shoes. (It can sometimes be non-important things why women will reject a man.) She should also be careful not to discuss marriage and babies in the early dating stages; men are aware that a women in her 30s is looking for someone to father her children and if she comes across desperate, she will have most men running for the hills!

Ok, so she knows what she wants and she’s willing to compromise but where will a 30 something single woman meet the love of her life? Is it at work, through friends, in a bar/club, at a party or an online dating agency?

Whilst it is recommended to explore all methods of dating in order to increase your opportunities, not all of them will appeal to everyone. Take a 35 year old friend of mine for instance whom recently became single. It’s not that she didn’t want to settle down in her 20s, she just didn’t meet the right man. She has, however, reached the conclusion that the likelihood of meeting someone in a bar or club who is potential “marriage material” is highly unlikely.

Whilst the majority of the 30 something single men she meets are happy to flirt, probably even happier to take her to bed, they do not want to commit to a relationship and jeopardise their freedom. Other rejects consist of men already in relationships looking for no strings fun or toy boys looking to put an older woman notch on their bedpost.

Only recently she dated someone whom she met in a bar who told her he was 27 years old (still younger than her but an acceptable age she thought). If I say that they became intimate very quickly, you’ll know what I mean! Whilst this was not something she would normally do, she felt a connection and it had been a while so she thought “Hell, why not!” Afterwards, she felt it only right to tell him her age. “You do know how old I am don’t you?” she asked. “About 26/27?” he replied.” (He certainly knew where his bread was buttered!), “No, I’m 35″. “Well I suppose it’s only fair I’m honest with you too “, he continued, “I’m actually only 19″. “19!” she exclaimed. Immediately there was no future in this relationship and her hopes of finding “the one” had once again been dashed.

Turn the tables round (him 35, her 19) and it could have been a different story. but that’s for another day.

If you are experiencing similar problems finding a partner, why not give online dating a try? You will find men and women of all ages whose profiles will provide details of their age and whether they are looking for fun, love or marriage so you know from the start if you both have the same goals.

Alison Edwards runs http://www.SnappyDates.com/ a UK based dating site.
Registration is free.

Your goal is our aim: SnappyDates - Snappy Results!

Copyright © 2005 Dorado Enterprises Limited - All Rights Reserved.
Permission to reprint this article is granted if the article is reproduced in its entirety, without editing, including the bio information. Please include a hyperlink to http://www.SnappyDates.com/ when using this article in newsletters or online.

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How long do you spend getting ready for a night out? At a guess I would say that if you’re a woman you can probably spend 1 hour upwards preening and titivating and if you’re a man you can be showered, shaved and out of the door within 20 minutes (unless, of course, you’re a metro-sexual in which case you probably take longer than a woman!).

Now let me ask you how long you would spend (or have spent) writing a profile for an online dating site? Less than 5 minutes, possibly 10 minutes maximum?

When you consider that you literally have minutes to impress someone and stand out from the rest in the online dating scene, don’t you agree that more time and effort should be put into writing an online profile?

If you are an online dater, I’m sure you will agree with me that when you are searching for a partner online you will first of all look at the profiles with photos and, secondly, you will look at the profiles where people have taken the time to write something about themselves. So if you have no photo and/or an incomplete and uninformative profile, don’t be surprised if you inbox isn’t full to the brim with messages!

I’m going to share a few tips with you to get you started writing an eye-catching profile. Once you’ve read them take some time to think about what you are going to write and jot down some quick notes before hitting the keyboard.

1. Grab a friend

   If you don’t like writing about yourself or think you are going to get writer’s block it’s a good idea to enlist the help of a friend; the kind of friend who is always saying to you “I can’t understand why you’re still single, you’re such a catch”. Ask your friend what your star qualities are and he or she will come up with a million and one positive things about you which you would have never thought of or dared to say about yourself.

2. Strike a pose

   The most effective way to get noticed online, is to include a photo. Choose a clear photo that shows in your best light and preferably smiling - it makes much better viewing!

3. Choose a fun username

   This is the name which you will be known as by members on the dating site. I would advise you to use a name other than your real name to remain anonymous. Try and choose a name that is fun and reflects your personality, i.e. Sporty Sam or Disco Queen. Do not use a name which is sexually provocative or offensive.

4. Captivate your audience

   Make your profile really stand out so that any person reading it will think “Wow, I have to get to know this person!”

   Online dating sites have made it easy for you when completing your profile by providing drop down menus for basic questions such as your appearance, lifestyle, hobbies but you will also be given additional space to write something yourself. Use this space wisely to provide a more detailed description about your personality, your interests and what you are looking for. The key is to be confident and talk positively about yourself without coming across bigheaded.

5. Don’t leave an empty space

   If you feel you have covered everything by answering the profile questions - please do not leave the additional space blank or write “ask me”, “tell you later” or “I don’t know what to say”. Members will see your profile and think you’re either not serious about dating or that if you can’t be bothered to put some effort into writing a profile you will have the same approach in a relationship - effortless! Instead extend on the information already provided, for example, if you have stated you like travelling talk about some of the places you have visited.

6. Ask questions

   If there is a particular place you visited and fell in love with, ask anyone who has been there to get in touch with you so you can reminisce together. Asking a question in your profile makes it easy for other members to respond to.

7. Be Honest

   Don’t lie about interests; you will get found out! For example, don’t say you love long walks in the countryside if you really like to dance the night away in nightclubs every weekend. You’ll attract the wrong person and waste both of your time.

   As with any other kind of dating, it is always best to be honest from the start so answer all questions honestly and finding your perfect match will be much easier!

8. Show your funny side

   I think if you can make someone laugh or someone makes you laugh, you’re on the path to a good relationship. Show people that you have a sense of humour, e.g. talk about a scene from one of your all time favourite comedies and you may strike a chord with someone else who found the same thing just as funny as you.

9. Dream a little

   Write about your dreams and ambitions. If your dream is to travel the world but you haven’t quite got round to it there may be someone out there who would like to share this experience with you. If you’ve been lucky enough to fulfil your dreams, share your story with other members.

10. Don’t mention the ex!

    Ok, so you may have just come out of a relationship and be feeling sad and lonely but don’t write about it. It will put a lot of people off and you may come across desperate, which is not an attractive trait. Make online dating a new start for you and promise yourself not to dwell on past relationships.

11. Your expectations

    What are your expectations from joining an online dating site? Tell people the kind of relationship you are hoping to find but don’t say you are looking for marriage if you are really looking for a casual fling and vice versa. Again, you will waste both of your time.

12. Write a chapter, not a book

    By this I mean, don’t tell your whole life story in your profile. I encourage you to provide as much information as possible about yourself but use short bursts of information, sectioned by paragraphs, rather than writing a long essay so whoever is reading it is intrigued to find out more about you.

13. Be safe

    Finally, do not include any personal information in your profile, e.g. your e-mail address, home address, work address or telephone number. A reputable dating site will remove any personal information before it appears live on site; this is to ensure that they provide you with a safe online dating environment.
    

Once you’ve completed your profile, read through it or ask a trusted friend to read through it and ask, would you reply to this person? If yes, it’s all systems go. If no, look at the areas where it can be improved until you’ve created that winning profile. It may take longer than 5 or 10 minutes but the results that will show in your inbox will be worth it!

Alison Edwards runs http://www.SnappyDates.com/ a UK based dating site. If you are stuck for ideas about your online profile, members can write to Alison at Alison@SnappyDates.com for advice on how they can improve their profile.

Copyright © 2005 Dorado Enterprises Limited - All Rights Reserved.
Permission to reprint this article is granted if the article is reproduced in its entirety, without editing, including the bio information. Please include a hyperlink to http://www.SnappyDates.com/

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