Come just as you are to the online dating table. Placing an ad is easy. But, placing a dynamite ad is an art. You only have one chance to make a good first impression. Ahead you will learn to outshine nearly all others.

The importance of photos and profile narratives and their quality is paramount. Logically it follows that you will want to place an ad about yourself which will excite the greatest interest in your potential viewers. You must know your audience. Important - Photo should have an easily visible (large view) of you. Most personals photos are dark and look like they were taken from far away. Closeness, that’s the mood you want to create in your audience.

Some of the key elements in your personals ad which you may not have thought of, but will be judged by are;

Is he articulate?
Is she original?
Is she educated?
Is he charming?
Is he interesting?

Is she witty?
Is she courteous?

Is he outgoing?
Finally - Is he willing to put forth some effort in his ad to win me?

What you write will tell who you are! As we have just seen it’s not just what you say about yourself and your desires that will tell her about you. The composition itself will spell out who you are. Better to put your best literary foot forward to make a positive statement about just exactly who you are.

At this point let us address the men and then a little alteration for the women will be in order. Ad techniques are different for both genders. Men are not especially looking for funny or good listeners, whereas women generally are.

For the Men

Let’s begin by discussing structure. Structure will give a logical flow to your audience. There is nothing worse than a scatter-brained personal that is too busy, it turns women off.

1. Let us begin with the picture. Women are not visually stimulated in the way men are, so seductive is not the key. You must be well groomed and approachable. Look into the camera. Looking away will make you seem aloof. Use inviting body language. Smile, and bear your neck dimple. (Where the collar bone meets the neck) Military uniforms and business suits (ties) cover this area for a reason. We cover this vulnerable area so as not to portray vulnerability. In your personal ad you want vulnerability. Remember you are targeting women.

2. Salutations - According to Parade magazine a simple Hi! is a great opener. This is just the ice breaker.

3. Personal introduction - Give your name or nickname if you wish.

4. Biographical information - Start out with an opener which will grab her attention and reach into her heart. Appeal to her emotionally. Women are emotionally centered. Make it so that she must read your ad! After this stage give her just the facts. This directness shows strength and confidence. Both are qualities which women value. Be honest and avoid the heartbreak of separation caused by dishonesty. Maybe she would rather have a plumber than the CEO of Microsoft after all.

This is your online dating bio, so include what you wish. Items usually mentioned are; age, occupation, and children, race, place of birth, where you live, favorite foods, entertainment preferences, hobbies, music tastes, and education.

Finally, give them some tangible asset about yourself to make her want you. No boasting. Put it in such a way that you do not seem arrogant. Put it something like - I’ve been told that I have a great sense of humor or that I’m a great cook.

5. Now that you have told them you know who you are, tell them you know what you want. Do you want a down to earth gal? Say so. The divas will be repelled and the woman who appreciates it most will answer your call. Be descriptive and to the point!

6. Conclusion - Paint a mental image of what your lives would be like together. Something romantically appealing works wonders. In case you haven’t noticed women love romance. Woo her. Be careful in your invitation not to use negative or conditional words like - if you are the one. Instead of this use - you are the one I would love to warm up by the fire with. She will know when you are speaking to her, if she is the one. Use these final words to make her feel like a kindred soul.

Once your ad is structured coherently we must now ensure that the following elements have been included.

1. Salutation - Short, polite. Hi! or Howdy, whatever best suits who you are.

2. Descriptive adjectives - Positive and powerful superlatives which will enhance her imagery experience and build curiosity. Infect her with your zest for life

3. Spelling and grammar - Look intelligent, educated, and thoughtful.! Consult a spell check or dictionary and correct errors. We are not all English professors, Have someone critique your writing.

4. Warm text - Use key words that stimulate emotion. Words such as fun, romance, love, happiness, and feel give a warmth to your writing and will give her a positive reading experience. Again, this will give her a little insight as to what life with you might be like.

5. Courtesy - Don’t use harsh language or slang. Best to come across in a serious dating forum as polite.

We realize that there is a trend of extremism out there that feels the need to shock. She will appreciate you even more for being a gentleman online.

6. Spur her to action - At the end of your ad be sure to urge them to reply now. Make it a suggestion. Say something like - Why not email me now and seize the day with me? I’ll be right here waiting for you !

For the ladies

Fortunately for women the online dating scene is predominantly male in terms of numbers. This works to your advantage - more fish to choose from. However you cannot rest on your laurels though. You still need at least a cursory knowledge of what motivates men, blended with your own original creative touch.

Hopefully you took the time to read the men’s section. All of the above applies to women as well with a few exceptions. Make them want to read your ad using compelling imagery. Remember men are more visually stimulated than you are.

Use a complimentary photo of yourself. Alluring is good, but be careful not to send the wrong message. Be sure to project yourself as warm and inviting. Smile and look into the camera. Use body language that says come a little bit closer.

Best wishes in your quest!

We have an example of a dynamite personal ad at http://christiandatemate.com.

My name is Steve Barrett, my passion is writing, my hobby is gardening, and my world is my 3 year-old daughter Erin. I am the editor of Christian Date Mate.
http://christiandatemate.com

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Interest is brewing from various quarters to require background checks for users of dating websites.

Most users who join dating sites have no idea how effective the particular dating site is. They therefore sign-up with several dating sites either in a bid to find the ideal site, or to simply try all different sites simultaneously until they find their mate on one of them.

If the government lays down the law that people using dating sites succumb to background checks, most people cannot afford to pay for the background check. For those who pay once and are discontented with the website, they are unlikely to pay over and over again to try other dating sites. Therefore, the government would inadvertently have dealt a big blow to online dating, which may spell the demise of online personals business.

Be that as it may that a background check has its benefits, can we say it’s fair to single out dating websites? What about classified ads in newspapers and periodicals? What is good for the goose is good for the gander. Are newspaper companies therefore, also going to be required to conduct checks on advertisers before personal ads could be posted? If not, why not?

What was the matrix of this proposal in the first place? The whole idea is predicated upon making it safer for people to date online. Basically, anybody with a criminal background would either automatically be disallowed from signing-up on dating sites, or must have something next to their profile that says the user has a criminal background. The former is more likely.

With that said, are people without a record guaranteed to be above board when they meet someone online, or would it merely create a false sense of security for users of dating sites?

Furthermore, background checks can only be conducted with the most ease on USA residents. What then is to be done about the other millions of users from other countries around the world who contact Americans? Unless the law prohibits Americans from dating foreign users, and vice versa, a law requiring background checks would be grossly ineffective, and not likely to achieve the desired effect.

Besides the obvious negative impact of this law on online dating industry, government involvement in dating sites sets a dangerous precedence for regulating other areas of the Internet. Where do we draw the line?

What the government should be focusing its energy on is educating users about ways of conducting background checks. Any user on an online dating website can dig up information on somebody he or she is communicating with. Many county websites now provide public information such as marriage/divorce records, mortgages, business ownership, sex offences, felony convictions, etc. With this type of information available free of charge, is there any sense in the government getting involved? Surely it’d point out people with a record, but the negative repercusions on dating sites clearly outweigh the benefits.

Perhaps the single most important point to consider in this law would be how often a dating site needs to repeat background checks on it’s millions of members. A user with no criminal record at the time he or she signs up for an account, may end up with a record anytime afterward, which automatically renders the old background check useless.

This proposed law is nothing more than window dressing on the part of the legislators pursuing it. Fingers are crossed to see what becomes of it.

Discuss and vote on this topic at http://www.oasisoflove.com/polls/

Richard Akindele is the Founder of http://www.oasisoflove.com, a full-featured, and FREE online dating service. Features offered include: Audio/video chat, private photos, spam watch, etc. Sign-up and start to meet singles in your local area.

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In life I think it’s fair to say that women drew the short straw enduring monthly periods, PMT, giving birth and the menopause; all producing more hormones than she, and anyone within arms length distance, can cope with.

But if she is 30 something and single the joy of being a woman doesn’t stop there! She is in a race against time to meet a man (preferably sexy!), fall in love, get him to fall in love her, move in together, get married, have a baby (the latter two in no particular order as long as they happen!) and live happily ever after.

The reality though is that many women diarise “settling down” for their early 30s; devoting their 20s to getting a career, travelling, socialising and having fun. There are also the ones who, despite actively dating in search of their perfect partner since early adulthood, simply haven’t found “the one”.

After revelling in her 20s footloose and fancy free, from the day she hits 30 her carefree attitude screeches to an abrupt halt; Mother Nature is suddenly occupying all her thoughts and her biological clock is ticking getting faster and louder as each day, month and year passes still with no sign of “the one” entering her life.

Of course, for the 30 something single men of the world this is not a concern; nature gave them the choice to put fatherhood on hold, worry free, until their 40s, 50s even 60s. So is this why 30 something women find a gap in the dating scene and are unable to find someone of a similar age to settle down with? Are the 30 something men busy dating but staying single until later in life because they know that when the time is right (for them) reproducing won’t be a problem?

It’s a sad fact that society portrays 30 something single men and women completely different. 30 something single women are labelled “out of date goods left on the shelves” whereas 30 something single men are given a pat on the back and told to enjoy their freedom while they can. Although TV programmes like Sex in the City and Desperate Housewives have helped to change peoples opinions of single women over 30, the fact remains that if she wants children the natural way (i.e. without a sperm donor) she needs a man.

So with no sight of a man on the horizon, she feels under pressure not only from herself but also from those around her to get on the dating scene and meet the father-to-be of her children. Her parents will say, “Why can’t she meet a good man and settle down?” her friends will say, “Shall we fix her up on a date with [John]?” and then there are the sniggering colleagues who will say, “She must be a lesbian!”

Whilst some of them may have her best interests at heart, she should not feel forced into a relationship to please everyone else. The problem she faces however is that, as a woman of the world, she knows exactly what qualities she is looking for in her partner and her standards are set so high that the men she dates often don’t make the grade.

What she may have to do therefore is accept that not everyone is perfect and compromise on her “tick list”. She needs to put things in perspective and ask herself if it really matters that he doesn’t own a flash car or that he wears awful shoes. (It can sometimes be non-important things why women will reject a man.) She should also be careful not to discuss marriage and babies in the early dating stages; men are aware that a women in her 30s is looking for someone to father her children and if she comes across desperate, she will have most men running for the hills!

Ok, so she knows what she wants and she’s willing to compromise but where will a 30 something single woman meet the love of her life? Is it at work, through friends, in a bar/club, at a party or an online dating agency?

Whilst it is recommended to explore all methods of dating in order to increase your opportunities, not all of them will appeal to everyone. Take a 35 year old friend of mine for instance whom recently became single. It’s not that she didn’t want to settle down in her 20s, she just didn’t meet the right man. She has, however, reached the conclusion that the likelihood of meeting someone in a bar or club who is potential “marriage material” is highly unlikely.

Whilst the majority of the 30 something single men she meets are happy to flirt, probably even happier to take her to bed, they do not want to commit to a relationship and jeopardise their freedom. Other rejects consist of men already in relationships looking for no strings fun or toy boys looking to put an older woman notch on their bedpost.

Only recently she dated someone whom she met in a bar who told her he was 27 years old (still younger than her but an acceptable age she thought). If I say that they became intimate very quickly, you’ll know what I mean! Whilst this was not something she would normally do, she felt a connection and it had been a while so she thought “Hell, why not!” Afterwards, she felt it only right to tell him her age. “You do know how old I am don’t you?” she asked. “About 26/27?” he replied.” (He certainly knew where his bread was buttered!), “No, I’m 35″. “Well I suppose it’s only fair I’m honest with you too “, he continued, “I’m actually only 19″. “19!” she exclaimed. Immediately there was no future in this relationship and her hopes of finding “the one” had once again been dashed.

Turn the tables round (him 35, her 19) and it could have been a different story. but that’s for another day.

If you are experiencing similar problems finding a partner, why not give online dating a try? You will find men and women of all ages whose profiles will provide details of their age and whether they are looking for fun, love or marriage so you know from the start if you both have the same goals.

Alison Edwards runs http://www.SnappyDates.com/ a UK based dating site.
Registration is free.

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